


As I despair

by catslikemilkshakes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christianity, Gen, Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 13:43:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11149614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catslikemilkshakes/pseuds/catslikemilkshakes
Summary: Castiel trying to justify his father's actions as he is helping the Winchesters fight the Apocalypse. Set sometime during season 4/5.





	As I despair

The possibility that Death and God could be the same age plagues the angel. Did God let Death be, knowing that humanity would suffer?  
When his father said that there be light did He not speak life? That there be oceans and land, animals to populate the earth, did He not speak life? 

Castiel does not believe Death and God to be as old as the other.  
Adam and Eve had been immortal, until the fateful day when the serpent had seduced Woman to eat the Forbidden Fruit. From that day on mankind was only allowed to live a mere few hundred years. Now, thousands of years after the birth of Jesus Christ, few make it past a hundred.

God and Death aren't there at the same time, for how could God create the stormy seas and constant rumbling and living earth and want to end it?  
Breathe life into the spitting image of Himself and wish for it to die after struggling for its last breath? 

The angel aches to be answered, to be assured that this wasn't planned by his merciful father. His Father wouldn't allow his children to waste away, because of one mistake.

Castiel knows that God had known about Lucifer, how his brother would rebel and how the most beautiful angel would be thrown from heaven.  
How the serpent would deceive Man and how Man would be cursed.  
How Cain would slay Abel, his own brother, allowing Death to take the first of His precious creations.  
The pharaoh's refusal, that caused Moses to use his God-given staff to bring horrible plagues that led to the deaths of countless innocents.  
Sodom and Gomorrah. 

How His Son would be crucified for humankind's inevitable sins and awake three days afterward. Jesus had, after all, died; rose again.  
Still, even after Death had been defeated, Death was still present. An inevitable constant in the cycle of life for a mortal being.

It doesn't matter if Death was there with God in the Beginning.  
He will be there at the End.  
For Death is here for the horrible wars and outbreaks of sickness that had been plentiful on earth since the murder of Abel. The time of the Great Flood.  
He is there, lurking in the shadows, snatching unsuspecting victims - never having any consideration for the souls he is claiming and deeming his. 

If Death was with God in the Beginning, maybe nothing that is on earth will escape the Apocalypse.  
Michael and Lucifer will be two of Death's most successful helpers, claiming more lives than God did when He only saved Noah and his family and every living thing in the Ark.

The saved will be freed from Death after they leave this world, to live an eternal life, no longer captives of the horrors of the world or a prisoner of Death.

The damned will suffer torture and pain and agony.  
Death won't be merciful.  
Death will reign more than ever before.

Castiel isn't sure if God gives a damn.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh, I can't remember what season/episode inspired this - it was 3 years ago. If you've come this far, thanks for reading a 14 year old me's turmoil and doubt.


End file.
